If anything, it is just a way for me to not bottle up this emotion and just fall into a depression and an anger... just write it out and then try to work on it in a few weeks perhaps when the next session with Lorraine occurs... I am saying this to myself.
We (Sandi and I) set a budget for Christmas/Chanukah for gifts for each other... a higher one than I wanted, but as she had stated she had already purchased gifts and honestly, I knew of a few things I had wanted to get her and I could afford to do so, but the budget was set and we were not to go over it as we were to put as much as we could into the joint savings for the wedding, something which I have NO IDEA how we are going to pay for.
I stuck 100% to my limit, even went under my limit. The opposite does not hold true... I would have to say that she doubled her budget on purchasing items. This made me feel like shit... which I actually did say outloud, the response being, I bought some of that stuff months ago before we set a budget (to which I reminded her we had the discussion that the budget was for things already purchased as well). I stuck to a very strict budget all around when purchasing gifts this year... I would say some of our friends certainly have a plethora of gifts, more than needed, I purchased the gifts for the people I said I would, however, she then purchased gifts for them as well.
Communication, communication, communication. I am still trying to get an understanding of the debt situation of where she stands. Not for any reason other than I think that is something we should know about each other before tying the knot. If she has $2K in debt or $60K in debt, it isn't going to make me love her any less. But my personal goal is to be debt free by the end of 2018 for my stuff. And to get my credit score up to something where I can actually get a credit card... a good one that earns rewards, that is not linked to my father in anyway. And knowing her debt is important as I will need to figure out if anything becomes "marital debt" once we are married. I am not saying that I am not willing to help her out, goodness knows she has helped me more times than I can count, but I just deserve to know about this.
As Lorraine says, the two things that break apart most relationships have to do with money and sex (or any kind of physical intimacy)... and unfortunately, right now, both of those things are an issue.
We (Sandi and I) set a budget for Christmas/Chanukah for gifts for each other... a higher one than I wanted, but as she had stated she had already purchased gifts and honestly, I knew of a few things I had wanted to get her and I could afford to do so, but the budget was set and we were not to go over it as we were to put as much as we could into the joint savings for the wedding, something which I have NO IDEA how we are going to pay for.
I stuck 100% to my limit, even went under my limit. The opposite does not hold true... I would have to say that she doubled her budget on purchasing items. This made me feel like shit... which I actually did say outloud, the response being, I bought some of that stuff months ago before we set a budget (to which I reminded her we had the discussion that the budget was for things already purchased as well). I stuck to a very strict budget all around when purchasing gifts this year... I would say some of our friends certainly have a plethora of gifts, more than needed, I purchased the gifts for the people I said I would, however, she then purchased gifts for them as well.
Communication, communication, communication. I am still trying to get an understanding of the debt situation of where she stands. Not for any reason other than I think that is something we should know about each other before tying the knot. If she has $2K in debt or $60K in debt, it isn't going to make me love her any less. But my personal goal is to be debt free by the end of 2018 for my stuff. And to get my credit score up to something where I can actually get a credit card... a good one that earns rewards, that is not linked to my father in anyway. And knowing her debt is important as I will need to figure out if anything becomes "marital debt" once we are married. I am not saying that I am not willing to help her out, goodness knows she has helped me more times than I can count, but I just deserve to know about this.
As Lorraine says, the two things that break apart most relationships have to do with money and sex (or any kind of physical intimacy)... and unfortunately, right now, both of those things are an issue.