The good news, nothing is broken. The bad news is, the pain from going through the X-ray process and not having a very good X-ray tech put my pain over the edge as well as my anxiety and I became fairly hysterical at the ER.
After being clean since Sept 2012 from narcotics, I took Vicodin for the pain while in the ER. Unfortunately it didn’t touch the pain. An hour later they ended up giving me 2mg of Ativan (a anxiety medication) that is different than the one I use and this is one that typically just knocks me out. Their hope was it would calm me down and relax me and hopefully the pain would tame down. It simply made me tired and I just wanted to leave. They couldn’t do anything there anyway and the pain wasn’t going to get under control and all I was doing was falling asleep and I had already broken my ‘no narcotic’ trend. They sent me home with a prescription for 6 pills of narcotics. (They were/are very well aware of the addiction as I was open about it). Sunday I took a narcotic as the pain was still unbearable and I slept, seemed the best plan was just to try to sleep as long and as often as possible. Sunday night I awoke over and over again and wanted to take another pill, but I had given them to Sandi to keep so in order to help hold me more accountable I suppose, and everytime I woke up and needed one she was asleep and I didn't want to wake her up, so I just took more and more tylenol and advil (pretty sure more than allowed as my stomach was killing me this morning, and well, the other pains were still present). I have made it into work and am doing my best to be 'present', the pain is making it difficult. Making an orthopedic appointment is on the short list of to do things to do, as while nothing is broken, the bruising and amount of pain this long after is concerning and was concerning to the ER staff that perhaps there was internal damage such as ligament or something, so just waiting to get that appointment. Really wonder how those in NA feel about going through an accident or something that does require the use of narcotics... after being sober for so long, I am really torn... I feel on one hand I have totally f'ed up and screwed up my sobriety. And on another hand feel like I did what I had to do in order to not completely go over the edge, I was (and am) in pretty excruciating pain and even now am sitting here not having taken anything, but unfortunately it is the only thing I can thing about.
Current feeling/mood: depressed and helpless.